The trees outside; the sound of traffic; soft little dog lying beside me on the couch; the feel of my feet on the ground; cool air on my arms; the long garden hose in the back yard; 2 candles flickering on the mantle; a tightness in my jaw; grey bricks and cream coloured walls; the sound of chickadees in the yard and the taste of coffee; a pair of sandals at the door; bracing in the body and listening.

Without any prompting my hands come together under my chin. I feel my eyes softening in gentle reverence for all that is including all the misunderstandings of the survival self that only knows itself as separate and surviving.

“You’re welcome here. You are the holy guest of honour in this space of right now.”

A little chickadee just came to my window. I scatter organic shelled sunflowers seeds for them in the morning. They bring me so much joy by simply being here. My grandson and I have named one, “Big Boy” because he’s a big boy. A fledgling actually bulked up on purpose to create an optical illusion of size. It’s survival. This extra “baby fat and down feathers” acts as an insurance policy which allows this little one to survive periods while learning to forage or when food is temporarily scarce. Every living being has a strategy for survival.

My yard is a perfect haven for the young birds as they learn to survive on their own. The adults and siblings are never far away; my yard is small and safe; completely fenced; I have small trees with low boughs that they can practice foraging; flying and hiding in the trees; there is food and a birdbath. It’s safe here.

Life is a delicate balance for all living beings. I feel my survival strategies winding down after a lifetime of spiritual practice and a decade of intense trauma healing. The shift from survival orientation to simple being is not an easy path. It asks for everything. Everything that is out of alignment with the present moment. I don’t live here all the time but I return again and again often feeling a little bruised and battered but happy to return. Here. Home. My physiology is fluent in leaving and often needs a little nudge, a little support and a lot of compassion to return.

My little dog, Maisie, is standing at the sliding glass door now. She is fascinated by the birds and by the look of the tension in her body I suspect there might be a squirrel or squirrels close by. I don’t let her chase them but she really really wants to.

I notice myself looking for a perfect ending for my storytelling this morning but there really isn’t one except that my stomach is telling me it’s time for breakfast.

Much love my friends and may you be quietly delighted today.

Love,

Candace ♡

Love is Lily, my cat stretched out in front of the baseboard heater, and my little dog, Maisie, buried under her blankets. Love is the sound of traffic and the tap tap of the computer keys. Love is the curiosity in the question. Love is waiting. Love is the gentle breeze outside from last night’s storm. Love is the space between lovers.

Love is the space in the room that holds the question, “what is love?”. Love is the curiosity and patience that listens for the answer rather than settling for words and experiences of the past. Love is beating our hearts right now.

Love is knowing that the one thing that is trustworthy beyond all things is this moment. Love is feeling held here. Safe here. Love is seeing that all things are welcomed here in this space. Love is the experience of enough. Love is listening for the next sound without any expectation of what it will be. Love is not knowing the answer to the question. Love is the body bracing. Love is the next breath and the next and the next.

Love is two hands joining together in gratitude. Spontaneous. Head bowed to the mystery that can’t be limited or defined by words. Love is the simple and innocent unfolding grace of being here. An alive mystery.

Love is right here where I am. Love is right there where you are. Love is knowing that in that love we are one.

“You are the soul of the soul of the Universe, and your name is Love.” ~ Rumi

A safe and welcoming space of rest; gentle presence and practices for the weary heart.

Trauma and nervous system informed spiritual & neurosensory practices.

Sunday July 5th at 10:00 am - 11:30 am PDT.

Topic: Developmental and Pre-verbal Trauma

“The earliest memories are recorded in the tissue, not the intellect.” ~ Dr. Pat Ogden

Often we impose words on traumatized parts that don’t use words. They are either very young or even pre verbal. There is nothing that will shut a system down faster than using complex language to communicate with a very young traumatized part or pattern.

I will talk about how to recognize and bring forward the Self that is “undamaged” to support the young traumatized parts and patterns as they make their way into consciousness. We want to welcome them home into our loving and compassionate awareness.

“Beneath the surface of the protective parts of trauma survivors there exists an undamaged essence, a Self that is confident, curious, and calm.” — Dr. Bessel van der Kolk

Recording will be available and sent to all who register.

I offer a sliding scale rate for payment. You can also purchase a package of sessions if that is more convenient for you. US rates are approximate.

• 7.00 CDN (5.00 USD)

• 12.00 CDN (9.00 USD)

• 20.00 CDN (14.00 USD)

Please email candacekirby@shaw.ca for registration and links to make payment. 🌺

Once you register, you will be added you to the mailing list to receive the Zoom Link, group guidelines and a brief introduction to the weekly topic prior to the session.

“The essence of your meetings brings this visual to mind. We’re all on an open boat that you’re gently and effortless paddling. We’re in beautiful peaceful waters amidst lush and lovely natural surroundings. You’re in no hurry, going here, then perhaps idling, going there, and pointing out the beautiful scenery around us, and pointing gently to the landscapes inside us, as if there were no difference. Sometimes there is joy, sometimes there are tears, and always there is what is…” ~ Participant

The safe container of the group offers safety, co-regulation, compassion and gentle attunement for your nervous system.

Love,

Candace ♡

Bringing attention to what’s happening outside of me is a way to support and connect with what’s happening inside even though I know there really is no difference. No inside. No outside. Everything is appearing in the same open field of awareness. There is a familiar clench in my jaw. It’s softening this morning as I rest into a quiet and gentle listening. Curious. There are tears of release. I love the feel of tears in the same way I love the rain. Heavy with the past. I don’t mind. I feel the weight of my body on the couch. I feel safe and cozy here.

I wonder how many times my jaw has clenched in this defensive pattern. I don’t go into the stories because I know that I get easily lost there. I stay here as the remnants of my past unwind and release. The body knows how to do this when the time is right.

I sense a quietening in my physiology. I used to try to impose quiet on myself. Now I know that the body does not like to be forced. I’m curious about the nature of quiet in the same way I’m curious about the arising past. Gently listening. Open to the way the quiet demands nothing from me. How the candles flicker in the quiet as my hand reaches out to gently stroke my cheek. The body loves slowness and tender compassion. The body has taught me to be slow and soft. To be patient. To trust it’s wisdom.

Wishing you a gentle day filled with loving and compassion awareness.

Love,

Candace ♡

Sanctuary for the Heart

Sunday Online Weekly Gathering

Come rest.

Healing trauma ~ the bridge to embodying the present moment.

Each week we cover a new topic related to trauma, the nervous system and awakening to our nature of Presence.

“One of the most subtly profound and gently deep experiences I have ever had has been joining you for this event. Thank you so much.” ~ Participant

https://candacekirby.ca/event/by-donation-online-weekly-gathering-2026-06-14/

The moment reaches out to me in so many ways; a red shovel leaning against the shed outside; an aztec sun and moon wind chime; purple bell flowers starting to close and my own eye lids heavy with tiredness. I know that I will resist going to bed. My feet curling up and cozy in knitted socks; I am thankful every day for the ground I stand on especially now that so much of what I relied on in my life has fallen away. Conditioning gives way to the solid ground beneath us.

There was a small wedding at my neighbours today. I am apathetic about weddings. Too much of a realist I suppose. I love the trees out in the back of my yard. A gentle breeze blowing through the leaves. Two matching chairs that almost look like they’re waiting for someone to sit in them. Their sole purpose in life is to wait for someone to sit in them. That makes me smile. Just poised and ready. I got really angry two days ago and I can still feel the reverberation of it in my nervous system. Injustice is what pushes my anger button. Sacred rage. Some humans just really suck. I went to a little market today and someone gave me a candle for free. It was like he looked at me and saw that I was a person who needed a small gift. Some humans have really beautiful hearts. There was a moment between us when his heart met my heart. I’m so grateful for soft hearted humans.

Arriving here; arriving home to the simplicity; beauty; agony; confusion; delight; turbulent; peaceful; horrific; astonishing immediacy of right now. Finding words for the wordless and meaning for what is beyond meaning. This moment every changing and yet always the same.

Sanctuary for the Heart

Sunday Online Weekly Gathering

Come rest.

Healing trauma ~ the bridge to embodying the present moment.

Each week we cover a new topic related to trauma, the nervous system and awakening to our nature of Presence.

https://candacekirby.ca/event/by-donation-online-weekly-gathering-2026-06-14/

When our physiology is burdened by the imprint of trauma we cannot be in the experience because it’s too much for the system to digest.

“The effects of unresolved trauma can be devastating. It can affect our habits and outlook on life, leading to addictions and poor decision-making. It can take a toll on our family life and interpersonal relationships. It can trigger real physical pain, symptoms, and disease. And it can lead to a range of self-destructive behaviours.” ~ Peter Levine

We all have an imprint of past trauma in our physiology. When an interaction or event resembles the original trauma, big or small, it’s sends the same shock waves through our physiology. It’s going to follow the same pathway until we intervene. If you’re suffering you are experiencing a reiteration of an original trauma and you can feel it through your entire being. It’s tight and it hurts.

When we were little we didn’t have the resources to respond to these cataclysmic events so we created complex survival strategies on top of the shock waves of trauma. It was the best we could. We survived the trauma but the imprint remained in our physiology. As we grew our survival patterns became our new identity as the part that got hurt got hurt over and over again.

With loving attention these pathways can be changed and redirected towards wholeness.

The impetus of the survival strategy is to suppress the impact of trauma and the impetus of the human being is to heal. Do you have a sense of the dilemma of being a traumatized human being. I want to be safe (stay the same) and I want to heal (awaken to my nature of wholeness).

As a therapist I must hold both of these impulses with equal respect. The impulse to self protect (stay the same) and the impulse to heal (expand). If I didn’t understand the complexity of this system then I couldn’t support my clients to heal at a pace that is right for them. I must lean in and listen gently with compassion and tend to each of these impulses with the dignity they deserve.

The impulse to heal is inherent in all of us and so is the impulse towards self protection and survival.

The conditions for healing trauma are slightly different for each individual but I have discovered that there are some essential components. The most important elements are creating safety and building trust. Secondly we must be unconditionally patient and compassionate with tiny increments of expansion followed by retreats back to safety and defence. Healing is not linear. It’s complex, often messy and the most sacred journey of a lifetime.

In my online groups the container is safety and unconditional acceptance. Many of the participants say that it is the first time they have experienced this kind of safety and ease in the company of other human beings. It’s a healing space. A place of rest.

Sanctuary for the Heart

Sunday Online Gathering

Come rest.

Healing trauma ~ the bridge to embodying the present moment.

Each week we cover a new topic related to trauma, the nervous system and awakening to our nature of Presence.

“One of the most subtly profound and gently deep experiences I have ever had has been joining you for this event. Thank you so much.” ~ Participant

https://candacekirby.ca/event/by-donation-online-weekly-gathering-2026-06-14/

We smile when we feel sad, mad or devastated. We override it’s cues of not feeling safe. We take medication so we can go to work when we really need to rest and we deprive ourselves of the basics of fresh air, good nutrition, water and exercise.

As we wake up from the demands of the personal identity a new relationship with the body begins to awaken as well.

The body is no longer seen as a means to an end but an innocent and alive mystery with a natural intelligence that has nothing to do with the mind’s interpretation. It calls us home. We begin to listen. We love and care for our bodies in a new and simple way. We let go of deprivation and excess.

We honour our bodies as the merciful holder of pain and trauma and we give her time to release what she’s holding. We soothe her and let her know it’s ok to rest. We give her the tender and compassionate attention she’s been craving.

She teaches us about tenderness, patience and courage.

We heal the painful gap that was caused by so much trauma and disassociation and finally take our seat right here. We bow to her as the meeting place between heaven and earth.

That was before
I knew how much
she doesn’t like to be forced.

Now I prepare
a safe, warm and inviting
space for her.

I bow at her feet
in reverence to the
mysteries she holds.

I listen to the
quiet whisper of
unspoken words.

Loud and bold
defences set in place
so long ago.

Tender places
perhaps a single sacred
teardrop.

I allow her to
crawl into my lap
and curl up tight.

She speaks to me
in images
too painful to bear.

In sensations
that often have no words
just a gasp

Clenched fists
clenched jaw
I can’t.

Secrets held
deeply in the
folds of her body.

A slight turning
away that speaks
of shame.

Shaking
heart quaking
fear.

Innocent
hidden wisdom
5 years old.

Silent screams
night terrors
clinging.

Frozen parts
just waiting
to thaw.

A deer
in the headlights
fixed gaze.

Aching bones
traumatized brains
and exhaustion.

Grown up masks
used to cover
a fractured psyche.

And mercy.

The precious exhale of being invited
to be here.

In the magical
and organic unfolding
of her own nature.

Without pressure
or the censor
of too many words.

She is the guest
of honour in the
Benevolent space of Now.

~ candace kirby

How can we learn to be gentle with the parts of us that have only known survival?

This online series will provide clear understanding and support for attuning to the needs of the traumatized physiology while gently orienting the nervous system to recognize safety and align with the true nature of self in the present moment. This is a path of returning to the direct experience of the present moment while reinforcing these pathways in the bodies neural systems.

Everything is Waiting for You

“Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice. You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into the
conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.”

~ David Whyte

Bringing our Spirituality Down to Earth

I feel a bit disconnected from myself this morning after 2 stressful appointments yesterday. The disconnect makes sense and I don’t hold it as wrong or something to work on or try to get rid of. It’s intelligent. I know it very well and I also know that my system knows how to return. One of my favorite contemplations during times like these is, “what response would let me feel more connected to myself?”. And I listen…..

I feel it’s important to say that I hold the concept of “myself” as much larger than the contracted sense of self in the body. The contracted sense of self is arising in a much greater context and that context is vast and undivided. It’s also much more obvious than most of us have been led to believe. It’s right here.

A more accurate question might be something like, “what response would allow my system to rest more fully into the truth of this moment?”

A mama bird is feeding her baby chicks right outside my window and I can hear the sound of my grandson’s car starting up as he heads off to work. I’m struck again by how quiet it is right now. My mind wanders for a moment to the squirrels that were in my yard yesterday. I gently come back to now, not because wandering back to yesterday is bad or wrong but because my interest this morning is connection to this moment.

I notice the contraction in my body is softening a bit just through my noticing of the greater context. I can feel my feet on the ground making contact with the felt sense of the present moment. Slowly returning. A sip of coffee and a pause from typing. All is well and not everything feels comfortable. I have come to know that contraction in the body is part of the song of this moment. I know this as a simple fact. It’s here. It belongs.

I read these words this morning that I wrote down last week, “Sometimes I still can’t see myself clearly. There is something here that is contracted and braced and there is something here that is allowing that to be here; to be seen; to be immersed in gentle loving presence. Who am I? Am I the braced and reactive self or am I the gentle and loving presence? Can I allow it to simply be as it is with great compassion and gentle and loving presence for what is braced and reactive. I am beginning to “see” that it isn’t really separate. I’m not divided at all in reality. I don’t need anyone to tell me this.”

There’s a new leaf on the plant across the room from where I’m sitting. It’s all shiny and new and a ceramic dove with a soft smile on her face. I’ve noticed lately that there is less of a sense of animate and inanimate objects. The ceramic dove’s soft smile speaks to something in “me”. A resonance. A brief moment of kinship.

Shifting the goal of practice from trying to change or suppress the energies of survival to a kind of gentle and fearless curiosity is what allows the system to settle. I notice that my hand is gently making contact with my physical heart centre. There are 5 little chickadees in the yard now. My heart is moved by the gentle contact of my hand also by the little birds in the yard. I recognize that I am part of the song of this moment. This is what “reconnected” feels like….simple and ordinary being.

May we all rest in our simple beauty and being,

Candace

To find out more about my upcoming 8 week online course: Bringing our Spirituality Down to Earth ~ Healing trauma ~ the bridge to fully embodying the present moment.

https://candacekirby.ca/event/bringing-our-spirituality-down-to-earth/

It’s gorgeous here this morning so I put Maisie’s little purple harness on and headed out for our morning walk. The survival activation in my body was still strong and now accompanied by the cool air on my skin; the sound of birdsong; a gentle breeze in the leaves as I walked under the trees along the sidewalk The survival activation didn’t go away but it was no longer alone. It was happening in a much bigger context. Maisie walking and sniffing; cars driving past and a tiny little bunny on the lawn beside the sidewalk. It was no bigger than the palm of my hand. I stopped and looked around for the mama bunny but I couldn’t see her. The baby looked comfortable munching away on grass so in order not to startle her Maisie and I turned around and walked back the way we came.

I’ve been reflecting so much on vulnerability lately. It’s a huge theme in my life and also how my system protects against vulnerability. Real or imagined it doesn’t really matter. It makes sense that this would be coming up right now and I’m “glad and not at all glad” that it’s here. I don’t ever underestimate the challenge of some of these survival patterns. Many of us have been trying to avoid them for our whole lives. It’s hard to meet them without getting completely identified with them. I get that. But it’s possible.

When I got home from my walk I thought about the baby bunny and how I knew to simply pause with care. I didn’t push through and scare the bunny. I recognized the sweetness and vulnerability of the bunny and how it seemed so comfortable within the context of being safe and not safe at the same time.

None of us can live a risk free life no matter how closely we monitor and control our bodies and our environments. It’s just a simple fact. But we can stop pushing through and simply pause with care; we can recognize the vulnerability and innocence of our own bodies; we can let our foot off the brake a little tiny bit at a time and recognize that this survival system called “me” is held in a much greater context and that context is Benevolent.

The separate self or ego is formed around the survival system and it’s job is to keep this organism alive. As the complex strategies of the survival self start to give way to the bigger context of here and now there can be periods of intense fear and terror as the survival system including the mind navigates a loss of control.

It may not make complete sense how intense medical anxiety keeps the physiology safe but if you pause; get quiet and curious it may begin to make sense to you. It’s here that we can turn towards the survival system with patience; care and compassion, like a little scared bunny, rather than shame and rejection. The goal of this, if there is a goal, is never to annihilate the survival system but to understand; support and provide care for what may have never been fully seen before. The pure innocence of this being.

Take good care of your bunny heart.

Love,

Candace

Sometimes my mind moves ahead into a narrative of what to say next while I’m still quietly with my hands on the keyboard. It’s such an interesting dynamic to listen to the mind without making it wrong and then not follow it’s suggestion. It doesn’t mean that I never follow the direction my mind is going but not tonight. Not right now. Now is time to be quietly here; quietly attentive to what is happening right now.

I notice some aches and pains in my body tonight from being in the garden this afternoon. What a blessing it is to be able to move about and bend and plant and putter outside. That’s what I do. I putter. I don’t mind the aches and pains but simply allow them to be here. Here with the sound of the fan; fading light and sleepiness. I also notice some constriction around my mouth and jaw. A little bit like an annoying friend that I’ve grown to love and appreciate. The guardian at the gate of my vulnerability. I wonder what touched my vulnerability today. Isn’t it something to have our vulnerability touched in a way that calls forward a kind of protection in the body. I call this the guardian at the gateway to vulnerability.

Maisie has moved onto the floor and is pressed up against the window watching the little chickadees in the yard. I feel a softening in my heart as I watch her watching the tiny little birds outside. She is being quietly attentive while the little chickadees finish up the last bits of sunflowers seeds I scattered earlier. I have a soft smile on my face. There’s so much happening in every moment. Inside and outside and all around. As I’m typing I’m also noticing the soft blankets on the couch and chairs. The soft colours and sounds of my home. There’s nothing that needs to be figured out here; nothing that needs to be changed; nothing that needs to be different. I spent so much of my life trying make things happen or stop things from happening. I was so disconnected from what I’m pointing to right now but I’m here now. Simply here.

Good night my dear friends. Sleep well.

Much love,

Candace

is a soft hand on my chest

a hushed tone

and a whisper

I’ve got you sweetheart.

Gentleness is our nature.

Gentleness

is standing at the door

without making a sound

while watching the birds

at the birdbath.

Gentleness is birdsong.

Gentleness

is a warm cuddle

with a sleepy little dog

as she buries her

head in my cozy housecoat.

Gentleness is our home.

Gentleness

is a lighting a candle

for all of humanity

that is under

so much pressure.

Gentleness is a prayer.

Gentleness

is moving a little slower

and making contact

with this one precious moment

here for just an instant

and then gone.

Gentleness is simply being here.

Gentleness

is the breeze

in the trees

and the space

between the boughs.

Gentleness is the spaces in between..

Gentleness

is the tears

that soften

the protective

places inside.

Gentleness is our saving grace.

Gentleness

is permission to be

to be less

to do less

to hurry less.

Gentleness is a field of warm acceptance.

The field of right now

.

I had a conversation with myself in the middle of the night and the question I asked myself was, “how gentle can I be with this part of me that only knows survival?” My body learned very young that vigilance was necessary and after decades of reinforcing that pattern it doesn’t take a lot to trigger it. Today I will be slow and gentle with myself as my body finds it’s way back to safety and ease. Gentleness communicates something very essential to my nervous system. “I won’t abandon you.” The nervous system love authenticity and not being forced. It’s safe to be here this way.

A little story about me and a squirrel.

To support my system in settling I wandered outside this morning at 5:30 am with my cup of coffee and was standing quietly enjoying my front garden; listening to the birds and feeling the cool breeze on my arms. I sensed something close by and turned to notice a squirrel standing right beside me. We looked at each other at the same time and were both surprised to be so close to each other. I jumped and the squirrel puffed up it’s tail and ran off and climbed part way up a tree and then turned to look at me. I said out loud, “that scared me too” and noticed how my body was filled with delight. It was such a sweet moment. I honestly can’t believe the squirrel was standing so close beside me.

My friend asked me later if I was being really still and I’m not sure that’s what it was. What I’m telling myself about that moment is that the squirrel was showing me a reflection of what all creatures have in common; a highly intelligent survival system. Human beings seem to be the only species that feels shame about having a survival system that can be so easily activated. I’m still finding my way with this as I continue to support my physiology in finding it’s way back here in the present moment after a highly charged activation.

One of the questions I find helpful is:

• Am I meet this with tightening, judgment, urgency, or collapse?

• Or am I meeting it with permission, orientation, ground, patience, gentleness and steadiness?

Sanctuary for the Heart

Sunday Online Gathering

May 24th, 10 am to 11:30 am PDT

Topic: Is it necessary to brace against this moment

Join us as we learn to orient our attention towards the present moment and the question: Is it necessary to brace against this moment. This will be a practice of coming into our direct experience of the present moment and noticing how the past still lives in the physiology.

Recording will be available and sent to all who register.

I offer a sliding scale rate for donations. You can also purchase a package of sessions if that is more convenient for you.

If you have any questions please email Candace at candace@candacekirby.ca

I have become tired of concepts and predictable ways of expressing the truth. My own words bore me at times. When I look outside and see the sun sparkling like a diamond as it lands on a glass bead I know there is no possible way I can put that into words.

I try to find a continuity in my words but even that eludes me. Just like a mismatched pair of socks I find beauty in the irregular. I love being surprised. Everything is happening in it’s own way and it’s own time. I am part of the happening of this moment. I am in the orchestra. I am not the musical director. I wait for the next thing.

A hint of a struggle makes itself known in my body. Tight shoulders and a clenched jaw that give me the feedback that I’m trying too hard. I ease off and the word efficient comes to mind. The body is so efficient. It gives immediate feedback of tension. No need to use excess energy trying to find the right words to describe the indescribable.

I’m learning to be receptive and open to the way life wants to move through this body/mind. I watched a video today called, “Flight of the Starlings” where 10 million starlings come together in perfect harmony. An amazing dance called murmuration. Swooping and swirling in perfect unison. Effortless motion. What compels this squawky little bird to such magnificence?

The cherry trees are starting to form little buds which will soon become blossoms as the weather warms up. They’re late this year. Late is such an interesting concept. As if cherry blossoms pay attention to something as confining as time.

“I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”

~ Mary Oliver

How your body is connected to the ground. The ground right here.

Notice that there is no danger here.

Whatever scared you happened long ago and now lives in your body.

I know it seems real. As if the demons of your past are still chasing you.

Run for your life they say. And sometimes you listen as if it’s really happening.

But what’s real is actually right now and you’re safe now.

You belong to this moment.

Notice the way the ground rises up to hold you.

How the clouds part to reveal the clear blue sky.

And a gentle breeze flows through the leaves on the trees.

The sound of birdsong that calls you here. Home.

Light and shadows. Colours and shapes.

All part of the texture of right now.

You are part of the texture of right now.

You belong to this moment of compassion.

A gentle smile on the Buddha’s face.

A flickering candle and warm cozy blanket.

Your own tender heartsong.

Hand on heart you shepherd your own homecoming.

Right here. Right now.

Guiding yourself home with tenderness

and words of reassurance.

You belong to the sacred silence of this moment.

Inside, outside and all around you.

She calls you to rest here in this moment.

She offers herself to you as mother, father, teacher and friend.

She permeates everything with her unconditional presence.

Silence is here now.

You are here now.

You are made of Silence.

A difficult conversation is reiterating through my mind calling me back to unprocessed emotions. A conversation that left me heavy with remnants of the past. I grew up in a very patriarchal family where the feminine voice was unacknowledged. There was rarely permission to speak and even less permission to feel. Sensitivity and tenderness were seen as flaws. I carry this conditioning in my physiology and suppression comes naturally to me. A survival response in an over-bearing family culture.

I recognize a familiar kind of absence from myself today. A splitting off that happens when I am in the company of over-bearing people. How do I connect with someone who says, “I just crush anything that stands in my way”. I feel crushed by the weight of that confession. I feel the truth of it in my body.

“The inner core of patriarchal culture is estrangement, the estrangement of mind from body, men from women, thought from feeling, humans from earth.” ~ Rosemary Reuther, Goddess and the Divine Feminine

As I’m writing this I have quiet soulful music playing in the background. I feel my body softening. An acoustic version of The Beatles, Blackbird. “take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arrive. Take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free.”

I’m grateful for synchronicities and how life continues to call me back to myself over and over again. It’s not our natural state to be overbearing and heavy with unprocessed pain. There is a more natural and embodied way of being that begins with fierce truth telling, gentle compassion, deep listening and a willingness to see.

We must learn to navigate the feminine principals of vulnerability and surrender to release the constrictions of a patriarchal culture that are deeply embedded in our minds and bodies.

If you would like sign up for my Newsletter and learn more about trauma and the nervous system, upcoming events, my private and group sessions and the role of the nervous system in spiritual awakening you can find my website by clicking on the link below:

www.candacekirby.ca

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I have sat in the dark; spent days and weeks in silence; cold water; hot water; spiritual inquiry; intensives; deep rest; dream work; body work; contemplation; prayer; inner child work; parts work; retreats; cognitive; behavioural; fasting; dance; mindfulness; breath work; affirmations; gratitude practices; self compassion practices; energy work; questioning, is it true? etc. I’m exhausted and feeling slightly vulnerable even sharing this list.

Of all the approaches I have engaged in over the years I have found nothing as confronting and as liberating as trauma work. The raw and unembellished path of meeting the traumatized or survival self is like truth serum. There is no room for spiritual or therapeutic pretence on this path. It’s a stripping away of the false while restoring a reliable foundation of safety and support within the physiology. There is no room for a spiritual or therapeutic identity in this approach. Identity is seen through as a protective layer of masking against the vulnerability of being real.

How I ended up on this path was not through seeking but through a catastrophic event that deconstructed my world as I had known it for many decades. It shredded my sense of self. A sense of self that was flimsy at best and non existent at worst. Held together by pretence and self negation. I hit rock bottom. I never knew a person could break so completely and survive. That’s where my real journey back to myself began. I started from ground zero. Divested of all resources and survival strategies.

Over the last decade I have met many brave and beautiful human beings who have also experienced a similar disintegration. Maybe you’re one of those people. We’re everywhere and yet still somewhat silent. This is a dramatic transformation of coming apart and coming back together in an authentic and aligned way. It’s deeply vulnerable work that relies on understanding; acceptance; tenderness; compassion; reassurance; acceptance; nuance; patience and support.

If you find yourself in a similar place of deconstruction, I would love to connect with you. I am offering an 8 week course beginning on April 10, 2026: “The Alchemy of Trauma and the Awakening Human”. If you would like me to add you to the waiting list please email me candacekirby@shaw.ca

Photo curtesy of Richard Purple

I have learned that I can only know the truth of any situation by being quiet and curious. The mind is a constant feedback loop of the past that sends danger signals to the entire physiology. It doesn’t leave room for things like openness, wonder and listening. The mind is built on the past and rarely leaves room for anything new. The greatest fear of the mind is to not know or even worse; to be wrong.

So I sit with a question and a sincere desire to know the truth.

I went to bed last night feeling an absence of love. A repetitious family dynamic. An absence of love feels like an ache in my chest and the stirrings of anxiety in my belly. I didn’t sleep well. I know in my heart that I am never truly void of love and yet when family triggers happen I really feel it. I feel it in my entire physiology.

As I settled into my morning practice I immediately became aware of the quiet and the familiar ways that the morning greets me. I felt safe and held. I began to wonder and then wrote down the question: “can love ever be absent”. One of my favourite practices is what I call, “the art of asking a question”.

In this kind of inquiry I don’t rely on the repetitious nature of my mind for the answer but instead turn towards my own experience of the present moment. She is my teacher. The present moment always provides new and reliable information.

I couldn’t find an absence of love anywhere that I looked. I am always thorough and sincere in my looking. I couldn’t find an absence of love in the sounds I heard around me or in the quietness between the sounds. I couldn’t find an absence of love in the way my feet were gently gently crossed and resting on each other or the way I held the coffee cup to my lips. I couldn’t find an absence of love in the warmth and softness of my housecoat. I couldn’t even find an absence of love in the familiar sounds of traffic or the tap tap of the computer keys.

I couldn’t find an absence of love in the way I asked the question and waited quietly for the response.

I could see twinkling lights on the mantle, a candle that I lit for a friend who is struggling, a plant reaching out towards the sun, the light beginning to come in through the curtains, a cozy colourful quilt and a neatly stacked pile of books. A word on the page of an open book, SANCTUARY.

If we are sincere in our wanting to know the truth we have to question everything. We live in a mind made reality that is seldom questioned. We assume that if we believe it then it must be true irregardless of the pain and confusion it causes.

When we believe that love is absent it hurts and leaves us with no option other than to go out and look for love. We leave the sanctity of the present moment, our home, in search of love. When we inquire into the belief we slowly discover that love has never nor could ever be absent. We can rest here and know that we are held here.

“The only place we will ever meet God is right here in the intimacy of our own experience. Be quietly present.” ~ Candace

“The Alchemy of Trauma and the Awakening Heart”

A slow and simple approach to restoring safety and meeting the undigested past.

An 8 week online course beginning April 10th, 2026. For more information or to be added to the waiting list email candacekirby@shaw.ca More information to follow on website.

Photo courtesy of Richard Purple

Transforming Trauma: A Gateway to the Awakened Heart

A slow and simple approach to restoring safety and meeting the undigested past.

Childhood trauma is a loss of safety, trust and healthy reliance on others; a loss of connection to our true nature of awareness and our capacity to be present to our felt sense experience of being.

When the physiology of a child is overwhelmed by an event or events their inability to digest the overwhelming impact will cause them to split off from their naturalness (where the trauma lives in the body) and give way to a false persona that keeps them absent from where the event lives in their body. This is necessary to the child’s survival. This split leads away from authenticity and towards other ways of surviving and staying connected to their caregivers.

The survival self, although familiar, will never be satisfactory to the human being that longs for authenticity. Suffering brings us to this place of healing trauma and freeing ourselves from the imposition of a false persona.

To heal trauma we must restore what was lost, safety, trust and healthy reliance on others, without shaking the foundation of the survival system too quickly. This work of restoration is beautiful and nuanced work that requires a safe space, safe people and a slow and skilful approach.

Transforming Trauma: A Gateway to the Awakened Heart

A slow and simple approach to restoring safety and meeting the undigested past.

An 8 week online course beginning April 10th, 2026. For more information or to be added to the waiting list email candacekirby@shaw.ca More information to follow on website